A1: Artifical Steaksauce
by Stephanie18
Summary: Max is a robot made to love. In the future, robots are pets, children and robots that know how to work remote control robots, but do they know how to love? Kinda. Will she? We'll see.


A1: Artificial Steaksauce   
  
  
Summary: Max is a robot made to love. In the future, robots are pets, children and robots that know how to work remote control robots, but do they know how to love? Kinda. Will she? We'll see.   
  
Disclaimer: Me. Own. Nothing.   
  
A/N: One day, it just popped into my head. What if Max were a robot? What if A.I. was an hour shorter than it was? What if Teddy had been the main character? That woulda rocked! Anywho, the story... It helps if you've seen A.I.: Artificial Intelligence, but it really don't matter none. Lol.   
  
Read First:   
Womannapped   
Original Logan   
The Noise Of Musac   
*N Max's Addiction   
Orno Movie   
Steel Chef   
Die Asha, Diiiiiie!   
  
  
  
[Logan's... home. He is watching...um...uh...Kendra! Kendra is sitting on the couch looking all depressed.]   
  
LOGAN:   
What's wrong?   
  
KENDRA:   
Ever since Max got that disease and we had to freeze her, I don't know what to do with myself.   
  
LOGAN (under breath):   
You could get out of my house.   
  
KENDRA:   
What?   
  
LOGAN:   
Uh, you could get a mouse.   
  
KENDRA:   
No, Max is a better name for a dog.   
  
LOGAN:   
Probably.   
  
[Kendra turns on the TV. An ad for robotic companions is on TV.]   
  
TV:   
Order yours now for only $9.99! Or some food scraps! Come on, we're hungry!   
  
KENDRA:   
Hmmmmm...that gives me an idea...   
  
[Two hours later...]   
  
LOGAN:   
That pie was good.   
  
KENDRA:   
Mmmhmmm. I can't believe I got pie from a robotic people ad.   
  
[Ding ding ding! Kendra gets an idea!]   
  
KENDRA:   
We could order a robotic Max!   
  
LOGAN:   
Okay.   
  
[7 work days later...]   
  
LOGAN:   
I got her!   
  
[Kendra walks into the room and looks at robotic Max.]   
  
KENDRA:   
How do we make her love?   
  
LOGAN:   
Uh... the code is... Greenish-brown female sheep.   
  
STEPHANIE18:   
If anyone can tell me what movie that is from, you can have two whole lines in my next story. *grin*   
  
KENDRA:   
Greenish-brown female sheep.   
  
[Robo Max jumps into Logan's arms and looks at him and Kendra with a huge smile.]   
  
ROBO MAX:   
I love you guys!   
  
LOGAN:   
Ohs yeah.   
  
[Kendra smacks him.]   
  
KENDRA:   
You are not having whoopee with the robot!   
  
LOGAN:   
I wasn't even thinking of that!   
  
KENDRA:   
Still...   
  
ROBO MAX:   
Am I hungry?   
  
LOGAN:   
You can't eat. You're a robot. It'd ruin your gears.   
  
ROBO MAX:   
No food? No food?? NO FOOD???   
  
KENDRA:   
Sorry. But you can seat at the table and pretend to eat and mimic us in a creepy way.   
  
ROBO MAX:   
Okay!   
  
[They are all sitting at the table. Logan and Kendra are having a meal and Robo Max is sitting there with an empty plate, putting the fork up and down, mimicking them.]   
  
LOGAN:   
This is... ni - no, it's freaky! I'm not gonna lie, this is creepin' me out!   
  
[Robo Max pouts.]   
  
ROBO MAX:   
Don't you love me anymore?   
  
KENDRA:   
No pouting at the table!   
  
[Robo Max gets mad so she starts scarfing down food. Uh-oh. Robo Max goes haywire and Logan and Kendra take her to the Robo Repair Shoppe.]   
  
MAN:   
What do you want?   
  
LOGAN:   
This heap o' junk ate her veggies.   
  
MAN:   
They always do. Damn them robots!   
  
KENDRA:   
Yeah! Damn 'em ta he -   
  
LOGAN:   
Anyway! Can you fix her?   
  
MAN:   
The blonde?   
  
LOGAN:   
No, that's a lost cause.   
  
MAN:   
Aiight.   
  
STEPHANIE18:   
Ahhhhhhh!   
  
MAN:   
Slap 'er up 'ere and I'll fix 'er.   
  
KENDRA:   
Where'd you get that accent?   
  
MAN:   
The Dollar Store.   
  
LOGAN:   
Interesting....   
  
KENDRA:   
I once bought a Michael Jackson imitation hat at the Dollar Store....   
  
STEPHANIE18:   
That was actually my friends Allie and Lindsay, but whatever works...   
  
MAN:   
I fixed 'er up for yee.   
  
KENDRA:   
The accent is starting to creep me.   
  
ROBO MAX:   
Creep creep creep! Baby!   
  
MAN:   
Want me ter pull dee plug?   
  
LOGAN:   
No...   
  
[Logan and Kendra take Robo Max back to Logan's...home.]   
  
STEPHANIE18:   
My penthouse therapy is going well.   
  
[Ring. Ring. The phone is cussing them out...no, it's actually ringing. Kendra answers.]   
  
LOGAN:   
Why is she answering my phone?   
  
ROBO MAX:   
Want me to kill her for you?   
  
LOGAN:   
Maybe later.   
  
KENDRA (on phone):   
Really? Wow. Okay. I'll be right there.   
  
[Kendra hangs up the phone.]   
  
LOGAN:   
Who was it?   
  
KENDRA:   
The freezing place! Max is ready to be unfrozen! I'm going to get her!   
  
[Kendra runs out of...Logan's home before anyone can say anything.]   
  
ROBO MAX:   
How is this going to affect me?   
  
LOGAN:   
I'm gonna have to dump you in the woods with a teddy bear. Come on.   
  
ROBO MAX:   
But I love you. If you read the manual, it would tell you that if I am dumped off, I will come back because my love is programmed and I can never let go Jack.   
  
LOGAN:   
Who's Jack? What the hell are you talking about?   
  
[Logan drives Robo Max to the woods.]   
  
ROBO MAX:   
Where are we going mommy?   
  
LOGAN:   
Stop calling me mommy!   
  
STEPHANIE18:   
Heh heh.   
  
[Logan stops the car and pushes Robo Max out of the car. Robo Max clutches her teddy bear.]   
  
LOGAN:   
Give me the bear and get the hell out of here. Do not go right.   
  
[Robo Max gives Logan the teddy bear and he drives away.]   
  
ROBO MAX:   
And now, my incredibly long and drawn out journey begins.   
  
[Back to Logan's...]   
  
LOGAN:   
Welcome back Max!   
  
KENDRA:   
We missed you!   
  
MAX:   
I'll bet. I'm the bomb!   
  
LOGAN:   
There is this little thing...   
  
MAX:   
What?   
  
KENDRA:   
Well, while you were frozen...   
  
STEPHANIE18:   
While You Were Sleeping pun...I guess...   
  
MAX:   
What did you do?   
  
LOGAN:   
We kind of got a robot that looks exactly like you and we programmed it to love us.   
  
MAX:   
You didn't whoopee with the robot, did you?   
  
LOGAN:   
Why does everyone always ask me that?   
  
KENDRA:   
We dumped the robot in the woods and we got you this teddy bear.   
  
[Kendra gives Max the teddy bear.]   
  
TEDDY BEAR:   
Robo Max... do you know where Robo Max is? Are you taking me to Robo Max? Is this the way to Robo Max? Where is Robo Max?   
  
[Max throws the teddy bear out the window.]   
  
ROBO MAX (from the sidewalk down below):   
Teddy! I love you Teddy! Let's go to Arkansas!   
  
LOGAN:   
I have a feeling that is the last we'll ever see of that robot.   
  
KENDRA:   
Until she gets pulled into a weird robot destroying rodeo and Giggilo Joe saves her.   
  
LOGAN:   
Then Giggilo Jane will want to be her nanny.   
  
ASHA:   
I played Giggilo Jane! Me!   
  
[Asha gets carted off by the Manticore men. Everyone pretends it didn't happen.]   
  
MAX:   
So, now that I am unfrozen, can we have a party where everyone pokes me?   
  
LOGAN:   
I don't know... your robot might try to drown you.   
  
MAX:   
Don't be silly, that only happens in way-too-long movies.   
  
THE END


End file.
